As-Salam Alaykum Guest    Home   |   Search   |   Register   |   Login   |   Help

Article
[ Click here for the list of articles ]

Courtship in Islam
By Huda
The most common questions I get from young people are, "Do Muslims date?" and "If they don't date, how do they decide whom to marry?"

"Dating" as it is currently practiced in much of the world does not exist among Muslims -- where a young man and woman (or boy/girl) are in a one-on-one intimate relationship, spending time together alone, "getting to know each other" in a very deep way before deciding whether that's the person they will marry. Rather, in Islam pre-marital relationships of any kind between members of the opposite sex is forbidden.

The choice of a marriage partner is one of the most important decisions a person will make in his or her lifetime. It should not be taken lightly, nor left to chance or hormones. It should be taken as seriously as any other major decision in life - with prayer, careful investigation, and family involvement.

So in today's world, how do young people manage? First of all, Muslim youth develop very close friendships with their same-sex peers. This "sisterhood" or "brotherhood" that develops when they are young continues throughout their lives. When a young person decides to get married, the following steps often take place:

  • Young person makes du'a for Allah to help him or her find the right person
  • The family enquires, discusses, and suggests candidates. They consult with each other to narrow down potential prospects. Usually the father or mother approaches the other family to suggest a meeting.
  • Couple agrees to meet in chaperoned, group environment. Umar related that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, "Not one of you should meet a woman alone unless she is accompanied by a relative (mahram)" (Bukhari/Muslim). The Prophet (peace be upon him) also reportedly said, "Whenever a man is alone with a woman, Satan (Shaytan) is the third among them" (Tirmidhi). When young people are getting to know each other, being alone together is a temptation toward wrongdoing. At all times, Muslims should follow the commands of the Qur'an (24:30-31) to "lower their gaze and guard their modesty...." Islam recognizes that we are human and are given to human weakness, so this rule provides safeguards for our own sake.
  • Family investigates candidate further - talking with friends, family, Islamic leaders, co-workers, etc. to learn about his or her character.
  • Couple prays salat-l-istikhara (prayer for guidance) to seek Allah's help in making a decision.
  • Couple agrees to pursue marriage or part ways. Islam has given this freedom of choice to both young men and women - they cannot be forced into a marriage that they don't want.

This type of focused courtship helps ensure the strength of the marriage, by drawing upon family elders' wisdom and guidance in this important life decision. Family involvement in the choice of a marriage partner helps assure that the choice is based not on romantic notions, but rather on a careful, objective evaluation of the compatibility of the couple. That is why these marriages often prove successful.

This article has been viewed 20865 times.

Last 5 comments from members about this article Click here to add your comments
Posted by ECLECTICK, May 07 2007
I DONT SEE WHERE "BILLS863"'S QUESTION WAS ANSWERED. I TOO, HAVE NO FAMILY TO SPEAK OF THAT EXCEPTS MY CONVERT TO THE MUSLIM FAITH. ALSO, I CAN SEE WHERE YOUNG ADULTS THIS WOULD APPLY, BUT I AM A SINGLE 42 YEAR OLD MOTHER OF 1 SON...I STILL NEED TO FOLLOW THE ISLAM WAY?
Posted by qwerty98, May 12 2006
What if you are a revert. You have no sisterhood friends (or if you do they don't know you very well) and your family are in no way interested in supporting your finding a partner (particularly not a muslim one) as they see that as something for the individual and not a family responsability?
Posted by aminah721, Apr 28 2006
I agree with the article and with most of what everyone has said, But my qurstion is what about the children in this day and age Our children are exposed to so much in school and on TV that it is hard to convince them that marriage and not fornication with a "boyfriend/girlfriend" is not the way to go. I am raising two teenage girls and a 19 year old boy and they don't want to get married, they think when you get married the fun is over. I myself am having trouble finding a husband because of the way some of the muslim men expect to treat me as a muslim woman, not good. So what should I tell my children? Asalaamualaikum
Posted by wwwRIZWANS, Jan 01 2006
Islam is the most liberal religion of this world. But ignorant people dont know some facts about Islam. It is advised in Islam to marry with the other person after meeting and seeing him / her. Even a boy and girl who are going to marry can meet each other before marriage. But this meeting should not be hidden & there should not any bad intentions regarding it. God knows the best about our inner intentions and feelings. One day, a "Sahabi" (companion of Prophet Muhammad PBUH) came to meet prophet Muhammad PBUH and told him that he is going to marry. Prophet Muhammad PBUH asked that had he seen or meet his future expected wife ? Sahabi replied in negative. Prophet asked the Sahabi to meet and see his future expected wife. The word "Dating" has different meanings according to different cultures of the world.
Posted by nzfj, Dec 20 2005
Assalamu alaikum, i agree but in these modern age, we need to get to know the person not necessarily physically. friendship should dwell ..and decisons made once we feel comfortable
View all other comments



Visitors online: 33    Members online: 0    Today's new members: 0



Contact Us  -  Privacy Policy  -  Links  -  Advertise with Us

Copyright 2004-2005 MuslimMarriageSite.com All rights reserved.